My lessons learned from our fertility journey

There has been an ABUNDANCE of BFPs on the fertility blogs this month. I am so happy for each couple who has moved forward on their journey, but I’m feeling left behind. I’m trying hard to focus on the HOPE that comes from each one of your stories.

Lindsey – It happened to them. It can happen to you. It will happen to you. It’s just a matter of when.

During this time off from fertility treatments, my goal has been to disconnect from the concept of time.

Accept the fact that we will have children one day, but also, accept that we can’t choose when.

It doesn’t matter what route you are taking – natural, IUI, IVF, or adoption – you don’t get to choose when it will all work out. But wouldn’t it be nice if we could? 

I believe a form of destiny comparable to a set of lessons we are meant to learn or experiences we must go through to grow stronger. When I reflect on our fertility journey, it’s taught me the following:

  1. Patience – You can’t always have what you want when you want it
  2. Gratitude – Be thankful for what you do have right now
  3. Mindfulness – How to be more aware of my body, mind, and spirit.
  4. Empathy – You are never alone. There is always someone else who understands what you are going through – on many levels greater than just (in)fertility. 

I always say I wouldn’t trade this journey for anything. The heartache sucks, but the lessons learned are well worth the wait… and hopefully, I’m not waiting too much longer. 

What lessons has your fertility journey taught you?

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14 thoughts on “My lessons learned from our fertility journey

  1. This is a great post and one I have thought a lot about myself. I tend to also agree with your way of looking at experiences. I think in addition to the ones you already listed – and relates to the patience aspect – is that I have no control over this process – I can hope and wish all I want – but that doesn’t seem to control if I got a cyst that month or improve MFI (during our IUIs). I did realize that I had control over eating better, exercising more and writing (and being a part of this incredibly supportive community) – writing about all the crappy things I was feeling so that I didn’t hold onto them anymore – and those three things did wonders for my soul. And knowing that I still don’t have any control – accepting that the beta tomorrow could come back lower than Monday’s – and that is just the way things are – but that I will be devastated – but okay and keep going forward. Wishing wonderful things for you Lindsey! ❤

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  2. I can so related to this post. My thoughts exactly recently when I see all these BFPs. Happy for the ladies that I am rooting for. A bit sad that I feel a little “left behind”. Fertility taught me that it’s okay to be sad. You don’t always have to be happy for someone right away. Just pick yourself up after that. And I learned to take it one day at a time.

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  3. This is a very nice, optimistic post 🙂 I won’t ruin it with inappropriate sarcasm. It’s nice to see an IFer that can still find these types of thoughts.

    IF has taught me I chose the right husband. If he puts up with me like THIS, he would put up with anything.

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  4. Agreed–the many BFP’s and births in both the IF/RPL blogosphere and the “real” world have made me feel “left behind” and somewhat defeated, while appreciating the fact that (most likely) it will eventually be my turn. The feelings are complicated, eh? Thanks for sharing sweets–I feel you. XOXO

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  5. I love this! I can totally relate with the whole feeling behind thing. I had a lot of those feelings last year when it seemed like so many close to me were expecting and I was not. Going through an infertility journey forces you to view things in different ways. We have more appreciation for those moments when things do work out the way they’re supposed to. This blog community is fantastic when it comes to support of others. I finally feel like I have people in my life I can relate to. When I first read your blog my thought to myself was that we have a lot in common. I wish only the best for you and hope you get your BFP soon!

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  6. My fertility journey taught me not to give up even when you’ve had it. It also taught me that infertility is better dealt with when having a plan. At least that way you are doing something productive.

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  7. You can’t change the past. I feel like that is the most difficult truth I have come across. Maybe if we would have played out our younger days without worrying about protection. Maybe if I had not went back to school. Maybe all of the stupid, little things. But maybe not. And whatever did happen, a baby or not, we will be okay. Our marriage will be okay. And life will be perfectly played out the way it should. Honey, I am thinking of you.

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  8. I have stayed away from my blog intentionally the past week or so. You said exactly what I have been feeling, happy for everyone and their BFP’s….but….when is it our turn? Were taking a break from all this TTC stuff. thank you for this post. What I have learned the past year is… the faster I accept where I’m at, the easier life is for me.

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  9. I know how you feel hon. I’m feeling left behind these days too. But I agree with everything you said and also feel that this journey has taught me all those same things. We’re going to catch up eventually hon and when we do it will amazing. And yes! hopefully sooner than later. Sending you so many prayers! Big hug!

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  10. This is a great post. I know what you mean about feeling left behind. That is the one problem with most infertility blogs, they eventually turn into pregnancy blogs (which is a good think overall, but not good when five of them do and yours doesn’t). My jouney taught me that I am stronger than I ever knew I was. If someone had told me at the beginning all that I would endure to get pregnant I would have never believed it, but somehow I survived (just barely). Unfortuantely, I feel like that while it has changed me, I haven’t learned all that much. I more feel scarred. I held on to my anger, frustration, pain and sadness that I became it, so when I finally started to let it go, the person I was had gone and I felt lost, like I didn’t know who I was or how to go back to living a normal life that wasn’t consumed by TTC. I think the most surprising for me is that even though I got my babies and I am probably the most grateful mother you will ever meet, I still have a lot of pain inside me from the fact that I am infertile and leftovers about it all that I still have to work through. What I can tell you about your journey is that if you aren’t happy it’s just because you haven’t got to the end yet and you will. Best wishes.

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