Just relax they said, it will happen they said…

This week, I put together a cost comparison chart for staying at our clinic versus switching clinics and a list of pros/cons for what treatment we should do next (Just slightly Type A).

Today, I shared the list with a good friend and asked for their opinion on what we should do next on our fertility journey.  My friend suggested, “why not try for another year or two natural.. and then bust out the $$ to do IVF?” Side note: this is the couple who got prego their first month off the pill. If I had any sense, I wouldn’t have asked for their opinion at all. They don’t understand and I can’t expect them to.

10 day ago, after our meeting with the RE, my Mom also thought we’d magically get prego if we took a break!

Why the FUCK does EVERY FERTILE think that “if you just take a break, it will happen!”?

WTF PEOPLE! What part of infertile do you NOT understand?

The following paragraph comes from the Resolve Organization’s article, Infertility Etiquette:

“Don’t Tell Them to Relax – Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she “relaxed.” Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of “relaxing” are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as “infertile” until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren’t infertile but just need to “relax.” Those that remain are truly infertile….Comments such as “just relax” or “try going on a cruise” create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant… Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.” 

I believe that relaxation helps the process, but can you explain to me why we didn’t get pregnant during our vacation last July? Because everyone gets knocked up from drunk vacation sex right?

Or how about the many months I used an ovulation monitor to time everything perfectly and underwent numerous acupuncture and reiki treatments to promote relaxation? Hmmm, obviously I’m wrong in thinking that timing and proven relaxation-inducing treatments must be the answer!

Or what about the fact that I use a specific, professionally-endorsed mind/body visualization program DAILY throughout our two previous (and obviously unsuccessful) IUI cycles? Nope, I’m not concerned about my mind/body health at all! 

If conception is simply a matter of relaxation, we would be pregnant or even have a baby in our arms already.

Please.

Stop.

Telling. 

Me.

To.

Relax. 

Yes, fertility is stressful. Over the past couple of years, I have learned and developed many ways to balance and control my energy. Obviously it’s not always possible when I’m wacked out on fertility meds, but I do the best I can.

I don’t need my fertile friends and family to give me advice on this journey, unless I ask for their opinion specifically. And lesson learned, I won’t do that any more.

I just need them to listen to me when I need someone to talk to.

I need them to give me some positive uplifting words when I’m feeling down.

But for the next little while, I’m steering clear of the fertile population! Guess that means I’m becoming a hermit. 🙂