I knew calling my Mom last night would result in an argument. Sometimes I think I should avoid all people when I’m (in)fertile emotional. I was rude. I cried and yelled at her. I hung up promptly after realizing she wasn’t understanding and that it was just making me madder. But at the same time, I needed to get those feelings off my chest (maybe a little more tactful next time).
After I talked to my husband and calmed down, I realized that I should offer my Mom some resources to allow her to better support me.
I put together an apology email with a PDF from our fertility clinic that explains the IVF process in-depth and links to the following online resources:
What resources have you given to your family or friends to help them understand your (in)fertility?
Are there any other sites you would recommend?
Awaiting Autumn 
This is great. I really love this post. It makes me feel normal. My mother and I have really gotten into it with regard to me being pregnant, or lack there of. She doesn’t understand and when she makes her comments, it infuriates me – as she has no idea what i’m going through. And she just sounds like a nag. We’ve argued. We’ve hung up the phone on each other. We’ve even stopped talking for a few weeks. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. My mother doesn’t even know anything about our IF efforts, my polyp surgery or any of our treatment. It makes me sad that I can’t tell her. I really wish I could just be pregnant and then tell her at that time. But it hasn’t worked out that way. Until now, I just keep my mouth shut and try to let her comments go in one ear and out the other…. at least until I blow up again.
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Fantastic resources. I’ve been fortunate enough (ironically) to have parents who tried 5 years to have me and so they are so understanding and helpful. I think something that has been helpful in my life and the people who want to be supportive is just being open and honest with them. Telling them what helps and what doesn’t and not being afraid to talk about what treatments are like and how stressful they can be.
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Also, I actually wrote a post about infertility ettiquet from my own experiences, perhaps try doing the same thing. It did seem to be helpful.
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Can you give me a link to your post?
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I wrote a blog post about what to say and posted it on my Facebook:) it worked. It’s on my blog at the top in the menu.
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Thanks Elisha! I’ll check it out.
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This is so great. I’ve written a similar post before, because it’s such a relevant issue that really does not get much attention. And as for your breakdown, I think we’ve all been there! You channeled your frustration really well, because this is an awesome post!
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The Resolve infertility etiquette piece is one of the best I’ve read. I shared that one on Facebook. I hope it and the others help your mom to understand you and the process better.
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Reblogged this on Waiting on our Welcome and commented:
I love this idea! I just may steal it!
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This is a brilliant post and so glad you wrote it. Thanks hun!! I’ve had that same argument with my mum and wish I’d emailed her that stuff. Well done xx
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So so great! Im so impressed that you actually sent these to her. What amazing resources. Ive written many times about things “not to say” to TTCers. Hopefully this helps your mom and can be a strength in your relationship.
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Yes I thought of your video… But I also posted it to Facebook so clearly my mom didn’t watch it 😦 Fingers-crossed she reads these because she said she would
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I really hope she does!! I remember she didn’t read your Facebook post 😦
I’m really proud if you for having the courage to send those to her.
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I really love the infertility etiquette from Resolve as well. I actually might send it to my severely insensitive friend!
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I gave my friend (who had previously offended me) the Resolve: Fertility Etiquette link–I don’t know if it gave her any perspective, but it (thus far) has kept her foot out of her mouth! XO
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