2ww update: positive visualization vs. realistic pessimism

CD22. 8dpIUI. 6 days til beta. 

I sorta tested out my HCG trigger.The sensitive internet cheapie showed just the faintest line yesterday at 9 days post trigger.

I’m contributing my feeling better to the lack of HCG in my body. It really dragged me down last weekend. I was exhausted, depressed and alternating between the chills and extreme hot flashes. I’m experiencing the typical progesterone side effects,  plus this afternoon I noticed some light pink discharge. It didn’t appear until I was doing an internal CM check, but it was enough that it showed up a bit on my panty liner after I got home from work.

Could this be implantation? 8dpIUI would make sense… or is my cervix just irritated from the progesterone pills I’ve been popping up there 2x day? Or maybe it was my finger? Why can’t anything be straightforward when taking fertility drugs? 

I’ve also been visualizing implantation. Each time I feel a twinge, I speak to my uterus and the fertilized egg. 

Uterus: you are soft, lush, warm and welcoming.

Egg: welcome home! Momma is sooooooo ready for you. Bury in deep and get comfortable. You are in for the long run. 

Visualization is just a mind fuck as I keep telling myself and my family that I’m NOT pregnant. I feel like having low expectations may lessen the blow if we get another BFN or it could make the BFP even that much more special. I appreciate that my parents care, but I hate when people ask me how things are going as my cycle draws to an end.  My mom always tries to be encouraging right up until my flow starts. At that point, I can tell the game is over.  BFN after BFN, it becomes highly unlikely that my uterus will magically stop contracting and implant an invisible egg.

I guess time will tell which method is more effective: positive visualization vs. realistic pessimism. Maybe next month, I should try just ONE at a time and not both? 

As of now, I’ve decide to ignore all symptoms and POAS on Sunday, 12dpIUI. I can’t bear going into the beta on Tuesday not having an feeling either way. Knowing me, I’ll probably POAS on Monday again.

I have a few sensitive cheapies left and I stocked up on the Costco pack of Clearblues. I’ve read that Clearblue has a higher evap rate, but the Costco pack is half the price of a 2 pack of FRER. I’ll take my chances. 

Good luck to all you other ladies starting your cycles, entering your 2ww or getting ready to test. Last month, lots of women seemed to be successful. It’s bound to happen for at least one of us this month. 

Baby dust! Xo. 

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “2ww update: positive visualization vs. realistic pessimism

  1. Thanks for the update 😉 I was wondering how things are going for you. Symptoms are just cruel ’cause they don’t mean shit either way and I’m sure the infertility meds just magnify them. Hang in there and try to resist POAS 🙂

    Like

  2. He’ll yes spotting on day 8!! I’m going to go ahead and play the positive visualization game with you this month and say it’s implantation spotting. This is where the waiting gets the hardest so keep crazy busy until test day. I’m going to test out this month too, I think it helps the crazies cause you can see what a positive looks like on a test lol. Good luck and I’m rooting for you!

    Like

  3. I always get the twangs of doom one week before my period, and it’s always depressing. Every time. I feel for you. Here’s to the next one, and hopefully nooooo lower telltale pain. 🙂

    Like

  4. EXACTLY. I appreciate your candor. It’s refreshing and comforting in a way to see the raw emotions we all have that no one talks about. I feel like I see those emotions after a BFN, but I’ve never seen someone discuss those emotions you still get during a cycle. I see the happy faces, the positive thinking. To say that we don’t also think and say “I’m not pregnant. I just know it. It’s ok.” to everyone including ourselves is a lie! Good luck girl!My thoughts are with you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s