I had a mini-meltdown today.
3x today.
1x in the bath.
1x while watching a romantic movie about a guy who gets cancer. WTF was I thinking? Clearly staying away from all emotional topics for the next 2 weeks.
1x while laying in my bed bitching at my husband.
Maybe it was the hormones – my go-to, yet valid excuse for everything these days…
Maybe it was the fact that my husband went “out with the guys” last night and didn’t get home until 3 am (which resulted in an exhausted me)…
Maybe it’s the fact that I’m only 5dpiui and trying so hard to NOT focus on it…
I keep telling myself that all and any of symptoms I have are drug-induced. My chills turned back into hot flashes (and added to my restless sleep last night). My bloat leaves me only wanting to wear sweat pants. My face is breaking out and I’m not sure if it’s the hormones or the sweets I keep filling my emotional void with. My boobs tingle every now and then, but they definitely aren’t sore. I pee constantly. I’m exhausted. And today, I’m extremely emotional.
My husband spent the entire day yesterday out with his buddies. I’m sure he needed the break, a few moments to forget about our (in)fertility woes. But, I don’t get a break. I don’t get to slip back into my favourite and currently not fitting jeans, grab a bottle of red wine or maybe two and drown my (in)fertility sorrows.
I’d love to, but I won’t do it.
I’m trying my best to stay healthy and rested. I want to ensure that we have the best odds possible. Every fertile friend says it will happen when it’s mean to happen, but us (in)fertiles know that there are too many factors that define the outcome.
Am I being too hard on myself?
Maybe I should have filled my calendar today? Maybe I should keep myself busy so I don’t have time to get upset… again.
Or maybe, I just needed the release.
Awaiting Autumn 
I’m sorry you had such a rough day! I hope tomorrow you’re busier and don’t have time to dwell as much. Do something good for yourself this week!
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Thanks. It’s true. Today was my only free day this week. My sister arrives at the end of the week. I’ve got lots to look forward to. Need to focus on that and not the fertility stuff.
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Easier said than done, I KNOW! Bets of luck with the rest of your wait. I hope it’s your last 2WW! Enjoy your visit with your sister!
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Im sorry, the 2ww is so sucky. You are entitled to a mini meltdown for sure. The hubbys never really seem to get it, it sucks, they arent obsessing over every little twinge like we do, and its also not happening to their body, they truly can just show up for their sample and then peace out so I just dont think they will ever really get it. Feel better. Good luck.
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It’s such a good thing your husband went out, he needs realises just like you. You sister will give you that relief, in some way bigger or small. Go have one day of pure unadulterated fun with her. Eat,”drink”, laugh get a pedicure/manicure, haircut and go dancing. Just do something totally out of the ordinary with her. Youll feel better!
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Hope today’s a better day for you. I think there’s only so much distracting yourself you can do (healthily) and that sometimes a good old melt-down becomes a necessity…. or at least, that’s what I tell myself when I’m crying at TV adverts or shouting at my OH again.
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Sorry you had a rough day, but be rest assured that I believe everybody who’s going through this crap has those days…me included. Shitty roller coaster ride! Hugs!
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I am sorry you had such a rough day. You are being hard on yourself, but we all do it. It is like infertility controls our life. It is hard to want something so bad and to watch it come so easily to others. It’s much easier said that done, but try to relax and do something fun. Have a girls night, get a manicure, find a good (funny) book or movie, have a date night… get out and try to deflect from the infertility woes.
Sending babydust and good thoughts your way.
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