I had a mini-meltdown today.
1x in the bath.
1x while watching a romantic movie about a guy who gets cancer. WTF was I thinking? Clearly staying away from all emotional topics for the next 2 weeks.
1x while laying in my bed bitching at my husband.
Maybe it was the hormones – my go-to, yet valid excuse for everything these days…
Maybe it was the fact that my husband went “out with the guys” last night and didn’t get home until 3 am (which resulted in an exhausted me)…
Maybe it’s the fact that I’m only 5dpiui and trying so hard to NOT focus on it…
I keep telling myself that all and any of symptoms I have are drug-induced. My chills turned back into hot flashes (and added to my restless sleep last night). My bloat leaves me only wanting to wear sweat pants. My face is breaking out and I’m not sure if it’s the hormones or the sweets I keep filling my emotional void with. My boobs tingle every now and then, but they definitely aren’t sore. I pee constantly. I’m exhausted. And today, I’m extremely emotional.
My husband spent the entire day yesterday out with his buddies. I’m sure he needed the break, a few moments to forget about our (in)fertility woes. But, I don’t get a break. I don’t get to slip back into my favourite and currently not fitting jeans, grab a bottle of red wine or maybe two and drown my (in)fertility sorrows.
I’d love to, but I won’t do it.
I’m trying my best to stay healthy and rested. I want to ensure that we have the best odds possible. Every fertile friend says it will happen when it’s mean to happen, but us (in)fertiles know that there are too many factors that define the outcome.
Am I being too hard on myself?
Maybe I should have filled my calendar today? Maybe I should keep myself busy so I don’t have time to get upset… again.
Or maybe, I just needed the release.