What’s the plan?

I sat in the waiting room scanning the faces of the other women. I hoped one of them would be in there for the same reasons as me. I wanted her eyes to lock with mine and without a word, we could share a glimpse of mutual understanding.

Unfortunately, everyone avoided eye contact that day. Alone, yet again.

I had my first follicle monitoring ultrasound this morning. I’m currently Cycle Day 12. My largest follicle was measuring 11 mm. Next ultrasound is booked for Thursday afternoon.

My doctor is optimistic that the HSG test may have cleared things out enough for us to get pregnant naturally this month.

She also asked me what our plans are for next month if we don’t get pregnant. OMFG!?!? Really?

That’s the thing about (in)fertility: everything is time-based. You need to make decisions fast.

She suggested we could try a round of drugs with IUI. If we want to start IUI next month, we need to get infection screening blood work done before my next cycle starts.

IUI is a HUGE step for us.

My husband is being really supportive and extra positive. He says by this time next year we will have our baby. He says we will do whatever it takes.

If we move forward with IUI, my vagina will be inspected, probed and inserted many more times. Why do us women have to go through so much? With modern technology, shouldn’t we have options for less invasive procedures?

All most men have to do is get it in a cup – the end result of a pleasurable experience. Lucky them.

I know I have a choice. I contemplated holding off on the IUI, but we’ve reached a milestone. I told myself that if we weren’t pregnant by December that I would move forward with the fertility drugs.

Emotionally, it’s hard to remain hopeful.

I just want to cry.

So instead of focusing on IUI, I’m going to focus on this natural cycle. I will continue with reiki, acupuncture, healthy eats, and minimal stress. One day at a time…

2 thoughts on “What’s the plan?

  1. If I had a blog a month ago, it would have been this exact post. You put into words exactly how I felt about standing on the precipice of infertility treatments, how I felt about the unfairness of the invasive tests. We just completed our first IUI almost 2 weeks ago. I go in Friday for blood work to see if it worked (and I don’t think it did). What scared me…and what continues to scare me…the most about these next stages of infertility is that fear: what if this doesn’t work? What next? How can we pay for more treatments? When will this awful experience end? Wishing you much success this month. I hope your journey ends here with a positive pregnancy test.


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